


Crazy For You

by ScripStrel



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arsenic and Old Lace - Freeform, Broken Engagement, College, Crying, Engagement, Fluff and Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Kinda, Kissing, M/M, MST3K References, Marriage Proposal, Post-Canon, Post-Squip, Rifftrax References, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-07-16 10:06:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16083893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScripStrel/pseuds/ScripStrel
Summary: "I love you very much, Michael. In fact, I love you so much that I can't marry you."Jeremy just might be going insane. Lucky for him, Michael is pretty damn stubborn.





	Crazy For You

“Jeremy! What the hell?” Michael glared at him, standing in the doorway of Jeremy’s dorm room. They were going to room together, but sometimes life doesn’t work out that way. At least Jeremy had a room to himself. His roommate had dropped out halfway through sophomore year, so Michael practically lived there instead. They’d been sharing everything from rooms to food to clothes since preschool anyway. It would be weirder if Michael  _ didn’t  _ spend all of his time in Jeremy’s room.

And that was the problem.

“Look, I just need you to leave, okay?” Jeremy ran a hand through his hair, perched on the edge of his awful, lumpy bed that had probably been there as long as the college had. “I’ll text you or whatever.”

“No! You said you had plans for tonight. You said we were going to the movies. Remember? Rifftrax Live is doing  _ Monster a Go-Go!  _ And now you’re throwing me out?” Michael crossed his arms and bit at his lip. Fuck, if Jeremy wasn’t dealing with other shit right now, he would totally be making out with his boyfriend. His  _ fiance, _ as of a few days ago. He wasn’t sure if he hated seeing Michael angry or if it was super hot. Either way, he couldn’t really deal with it. Especially not now. “Before I go anywhere, I want to know where I stand. Jeremy Heere, do you love me?” 

And shit. There it was. Michael’s furious facade cracked. There was something like betrayal pooling in his eyes, mingling with the tears that were starting to well up. 

Because  _ of course _ Jeremy loved him. He’d been the one to propose, damnit. He just—

“Fuck, Michael, I love you so much,” Jeremy said, swallowing down tears of his own and standing to take a step towards him. He seemed to soften a little, the anger giving way to even more confused sadness. “In fact,” he took a deep breath and screwed his eyes shut, “I love you so much I can’t marry you.”

“Are you insane?” Michael barked a laugh. Jeremy opened his eyes to see him looking even angrier than before, pacing around the tiny room. He sneered at Jeremy and shoved him back onto the bed. “Seriously, dude. Fuck you. Have you gone absolutely crazy?”

“No, but it’s just a matter of time,” Jeremy mumbled, fully willing to let his boyfriend lash out. He stared at the wall, doing everything he could not to burst into tears. Michael didn’t deserve this. How could Jeremy do this to him? He was an asshole. He was a disappointment. He was a traitor. He was an awful boyfriend. He’d make an even worse husband. Michael deserved so much better.

“Don’t you dare try that shit.” Michael sat at the desk, spinning slightly in the chair, with what Jeremy knew was nervous energy that bubbled over whenever Michael was trying not to show how upset he was. Because okay, sure, he was angry, but Jeremy had known him long enough to tell when he was trying not to cry. His voice was still dark and pointed, and it made Jeremy’s chest ache. This was  _ his fault. _

“You’re the one who told me about the dude who went from a straight-D student to Harvard to the loony bin. Christine knew a kid who ended up in a mental hospital, too.” Electricity ran under Jeremy’s skin and he fought down a shudder. He still couldn’t look at Michael. “Hell, Rich ran off to the army because he couldn’t stand  _ not _ having someone tell him what to do. And it’s a damn good thing he did, too, because they can stop him from going batshit and burning anything else down.”

“...This is about the Squip.” Michael stopped spinning. 

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to do about it.”

Michael came to sit on the bed, yanking Jeremy around to face him. “Let me help? Jeremy, I’ve told you a million times that I’m going to be here no matter what it tells you. You can’t let that thing rule your life.” Jeremy still wouldn’t meet his eyes, hot tears starting to streak down his cheeks as Michael’s fingers dug into his shoulders. He wasn’t sure if the contact burned from Michael’s anger or his own shame.

“That’s just it,” Jeremy choked out. “I can’t make you do this. I’ve already hurt you so much.” He wasn’t even trying to stop his sobs anymore. He was coming apart into Michael’s embrace. “Why are you still here?”

“Jeremy, it hasn’t done anything to either of us for  _ years.  _ If you think some hypothetical bullshit is gonna drive me away—”

“But that’s not true!” Jeremy yanked himself away from Michael. “You just haven’t noticed. The, the days—” He hiccuped and swiped the back of his hand across his dripping nose. “The days you’re not here, when you’re in class, o-or  _ whenever _ I’m alone, or even when I’m not alone. All the time, it just—!”

Michael stood up to wrap him in a hug. Jeremy shoved him away.

“Don’t touch me!” Jeremy turned towards the wall and crossed his arms. He couldn’t breathe through the plug of teary snot in his nose, and, weirdly enough, that was bugging him a lot more than the buzzing sadness across his cheeks or the warm tingle of Michael watching him. 

Or the cold tingle of something else watching him. 

Shit.

“And even, even, n-now. I can’t make it go away. It’ll never go away.” Jeremy’s voice cracked , and he couldn’t breathe, and a scolding shock crackled in the back of his neck. Whether it was real or not didn’t even matter anymore. 

Michael cursed under his breath behind him. “I can get some more Red?”

“What for? It’ll still be here.”

Michael sighed. Jeremy could feel his internal debate radiating off of him. Try to talk, try to hug, try to find the Squip and punch it in its hologram face. Honestly, Jeremy wasn’t sure what he wanted from him. He just wanted him to go away. He wanted it all to go away. He wanted his head to finally be quiet. 

Silent, even.

It would be the first time in  _ ages.  _ Would he even be able to handle that?

“What’s it been saying?”

Jeremy almost turned at that. He hadn’t expected… They hadn’t talked about exactly  _ what _ it did since… since the first time they tried to get rid of it. Since that half-apology, half-argument that felt like a lifetime ago. 

He took a deep breath. “That I don’t deserve you. That I’m a burden. That I’m wasting time and money at this stupid school and that I could’ve been a millionaire with its help, but  _ no,  _ I had to go get a B.A. and be a starving artist.”

The bed springs creaked as Michael sat back down. His eyes were still burning into Jeremy. “What else?”

“...That it’ll never go away. That I was nothing without it. That I’ll never be anything without it. That I don’t even know who I am anymore and I should just let it fix me because that’s the only way to keep me from, from lying to myself. From lying to you.” Jeremy finally turned. He was sure he was bright red, because his face was stupid and did that when he cried. He was sure he basically looked like was melting, what with all the tears and the way his nose was running and,  _ ugh. _

“Jeremy…”

“It says I’m a  _ liar, _ Michael. And, and…” He collapsed into his boyfriend’s arms, sobs ripping through his throat. “And  _ fuck,  _ it’s  _ right. _ ”

Michael just sat there with him for a while. Rubbing his back and burying his nose in his hair—which was gross and greasy because he was a  _ college student, _ and definitely didn’t shower often enough, which was another thing the Squip kept reminding him of—and whispering sweet nothings. Jeremy couldn’t stop crying at this point. He shrieked and sobbed until his throat tasted sour and until his eyes were spongy and scratchy. Michael’s sweatshirt was basically a wet towel when he finally pulled away and shuffled around to find a box of Kleenex.

And no, the fact that there was always one right by his bed didn't mean anything. 

“Do you remember the day I first asked you out?”

Jeremy blew his nose like a trumpet. “Yeah. ‘Course I do.”

Michael smiled. “Do you remember what I said?”

Jeremy swiped at his nose again. “Uh… not in like, exact words or anything.”

“Do you remember me saying that I’d been in love with you since middle school?”

Jeremy’s face went hot. Yes, he’d remembered that. It was kinda mortifying, honestly. He’d been such a nasty preteen. Then again, who hadn’t? Still, the thought that anyone, that  _ Michael, _ who had known him since diapers, known every shitty thing about him,  _ ever,  _ had loved him way back then, when he was the worst he’d ever been… “Y-yeah.”

Okay, second worst. They tried not to talk about the worst.

Jeremy’s attention was brought back to the feeling of lighting along his spine. It wasn’t really painful anymore. It wasn’t strong enough for that, but it brought the cold lump back to his throat and to his stomach. 

“Did you have a Squip in middle school?”

“No… What are you getting at?” Jeremy furrowed his brow. Michael was grinning. He looked triumphant. He looked like he’d just beaten a particularly hard boss level, or finished a killer term paper after days of ripping his hair out. 

“It’s saying I shouldn’t love you because you won’t listen to it or whatever, but I’ve loved you since before it decided to start third-wheeling.”

“And?” There was something seeping around in Jeremy’s chest. He wasn’t sure if it was the sort of thing to make him smile or start crying again.

“And I love you now, too.”

“Why, though?” Jeremy sat down cross legged across from Michael. He shoved his hands into his lap to keep them from shaking too much and stared at them. “Everything I did—”

“Everything it made you do.”

Jeremy glanced up. “No, Michael. I did it. I’m still doing it. I keep pushing you away and breaking my promises and I can’t  _ stop, _ because. Because…” And damnit, there were the tears again. He wondered vaguely if he could drown in his own tears. It would save a lot of trouble. 

The voice in his head told him that was stupid, but that he could potentially cry enough to dehydrate himself to the point of dying of thirst. It seemed to almost like the idea, as much as it could like anything. 

“Could you not!?” Jeremy snapped, whirling around to finally face Keanu Reeves hovering by his dresser. Michael flinched in his peripheral vision. “I have enough to worry about without you being all morbid and shitty in my head. Just fucking shut down or something. Leave me alone for five minutes!”

Michael grabbed his hand and pulled his attention back. The beads rolling down Jeremy’s cheeks were almost cold now. He couldn’t see through them, but Michael was a constant, albeit blurry, weight next to him. 

“Dude,” he said. “I don’t care what it’s done or what it’s doing, especially not to me. I'm not in love with it, I'm in love with you, which is why I can’t just stand by and let you deal with it alone.” He cupped a hand under Jeremy’s chin and kissed him softly. Just a peck, and Jeremy wished he could breathe enough to kiss back. He would much rather be making out with Michael than crying his eyes out. “Two player game, remember?”

“Even if I’m going insane?”

“Especially if you’re going insane.” Michael’s smile was electric. But in the good way, not the Squip way. It lit up the room with living energy. He brushed his hand across Jeremy’s cheek, drying his tears, and Jeremy tried very, very hard to not start crying more at that. “When you love somebody, you see it ‘till the end.” 

“I don’t deserve you,” Jeremy breathed. 

Michael smirked. “I’m exactly what you deserve,” he said. He laced his left hand with Jeremy’s, bringing them up to eye level. The shitty dorm lights glinted off their matching—and equally shitty, because again, Jeremy was a college student, which meant he was broke as fuck—rings. “Look, if you think you’re gonna get out of this because there’s a supercomputer driving you insane, you’re crazy. Maybe you’re not going to marry me, but I’m going to marry you.” He grinned at Jeremy, and  _ fuck, _ he was pretty much falling in love all over again. “I love you, you dope.”

“If you love me, will you get the hell out of here?” Jeremy was joking by now. He never wanted Michael to leave his side.

Michael just pulled him closer and leaned in, whispering almost into his mouth, and Jeremy’s bones turned to syrup. “Not even to see grown ass men make fun of the worst movie ever made.”

Jeremy giggled. “Way to ruin the mood.”

He wasn’t sure who closed the distance first, and he wasn’t sure he was particularly a fan of making out while super congested (because apparently his sinuses really hated being waterlogged). He wasn’t even sure he wasn’t going crazy. In fact, he was pretty sure he still was, but as Michael deepened the kiss and as his promise to be there  _ forever  _ rang in Jeremy’s heart, he was at least sane enough to send a mental middle finger to the madness.

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe I should stop posting in the middle of the night. Eh, whatever. 
> 
> Anyone familiar with Arsenic and Old Lace? The play version, not the movie, though the exchange between Mortimer and Elaine that I based this on is in that too. It's just cuter in the play.  
> The idea for this was that they'd be in their early twenties. Later college years, so kinda early to get engaged, but not so early that it would be terribly weird.
> 
> Also, I stand by my headcanon that the Boyfs are huge fans of garbage-y old movies, hence an obsession with things like MST3K and, by extension, Rifftrax. Sorry if it's an obscure reference, but I maintain that it's very in-character. 
> 
> I always love feedback, so please feel free to comment!


End file.
